a great example of how over-thinking can lead to a rambling post

Who says that astrological signs are meaningless? Yes, maybe it’s the power of suggestion, of being told what kind of a person I am over and over again for almost 40 years, but it turns out that I am a Libra – good and bad, totally Libra.

Libras are the diplomats of the zodiac. They are charming, easy going, and willing to suppress their own needs and opinions in order to preserve good relations. Libras avoid conflict at all costs, and would rather give in than have an unnecessary argument (or in some cases, a necessary one).

Peace-Loving -

Libras are reasonable, nonjudgmental and able to see both sides of an issue. As a result, they are often asked to intervene in disagreements between friends, family members and coworkers. Arguments make Libras miserable. They crave peace and much of their lives are spent in the pursuit of harmony.

Logical and Idealistic -

Libras tend to be thoughtful, and also require much food for thought. This is a sign with a high need for intellectual stimulation, and most Libras do a lot of reading. Libras tend to process things intellectually rather than emotionally. Libras are charismatic, diplomatic, idealistic and logical, which enables them to get along well with a wide variety of people.  

source: suite101 

Regardless of where the information came from, or if it's based in any kind of reality or not, the description above fits, especially the concept and importance of a seeing all sides and preserving peace. I reduce all that information, which I accept is a good description of who I am, to this: Balance.

I’ve said it many times before, balance(d) is the one word I would choose to describe myself, my goals, essentially the thing that keeps me rooted. Call it harmony, acceptance, the choice to recognize and understand opposing views and realities – to me, it's all different ways of saying the same thing. There are so many positive aspects to this, and I like these traits in myself. I feel like the positives outweigh the negatives, but (of course!) there are negative aspects, too.

Being balanced – seeing all sides of every equation – means that sometimes I feel like I have little conviction, that I make no particular statement. I have a circular brain. It goes around and around, feeding arguments and ideas from one side to the other, leaving me without any clear answer, yet, often content with any outcome. Many like to think of that as ‘easy going’, or ‘flexible’. But is it? Or is it lack of ability to take a stand, to recognize what’s important (to me)?

At the same time, I associate some negativity with another word that represents balance: Average. Average is a word I’ve grown to dislike, and if I’m truthful, is a word I’ve used to describe many aspects of myself since childhood. There’s absolutely nothing remarkable about being average, though there’s nothing exactly wrong with it, either. It's just boring. 

I’ve been thinking about that, and as harmless as it is, it’s also a bit of a drag. I look at friends and colleagues who have passion(s), who have thrown themselves whole-heartedly into one thing or the other because of a deep-seeded desire that escapes explanation. And passion? Passion is the best of contrasts to balance. I greatly admire it in people because the achievements are fantastic, and the sense of personal accomplishment must feel unreal. I’m not certain that I posses the ability, myself. Don’t get me wrong, I have loads of interests, of things I want to achieve and goals to attain; I have even achieved some! But, perhaps I’ve been confusing passion with drive? I believe if 'drive' is the desire to do/have/achieve something, then passion must be the vehicle that actually makes it happen. I’ve spent a lot of time berating myself for having little drive, when now I’m wondering if it’s actually a lack of passion that I need to deal with?

And what is passion, exactly? I think of it as the desire to spend as much energy and (realistic) time into whatever ‘it’ is, until you reach a level of achievement that resonates with you. So, for example, I like to run. And I do run. But, have I read books on technique, taken specialized training, created a community of runners around me, eaten well and worked out, pushed myself to be a really good runner, etc, etc? Nope. I just run - occasionally - and I like it, but I also get frustrated with the bad days. My lack of serious action tells me that it must not be a passion of mine, because if it were, wouldn't I want to do everything I could to make myself a really good runner?

It's absolutely okay to keep running the way I am, I know that, but it also means I will always be an average runner (and the circle is complete). That acceptance is what the Libra in me finds … normal. Is passion something you can learn, or is it inherent? Is it something that everyone has and it’s just a matter of tapping into that ‘thing’ which will ignite into passion? Why do some people have seemingly limitless ability for passions and others only focus on a few?

I’m determined to find out. Consider this the beginning of a fact-finding mission.