delicate.balance

not the start i hoped for

2012-01-31T07:41:00.000-05:00

So far, 2012 isn't what I'd planned. I blame fate, and the fact I subscribed to resolutions this year.

Good intentions at the beginning ... booked a trip to Belize, started working out again, moved to a 4 day work week, began volunteering ... said 'YES' to the adventure of taking off one snowy Friday to strap on a snowboard and sink deliciously into the first bit of powder I've had in forever.

Things were looking up, on track.

Third run of the day ended in a broken leg, insane amounts of pain in a toboggan down the hill, and 2 hospitals, 4 hours in 2 ambulances, and several hundred dollars of transportation fees during the remainder of the day. Surgery and a few more days in hospital rounded out the event.

2.5 weeks later, I'm back at work, sort of able to do a little on my own, and incredibly reliant on everyone else for everything else. Pretty much my worst nightmare. Flip side? I'm learning lots and so lucky to have the support system I do!

Trying to remain positive is tough. I'm lonely, not for lack of people and contact, just because nobody's dealing with this but me. It's not the end of the world, its just a broken leg, but I must admit to being incredibly frustrated..

And those resolutions?

Travel and Adventure: Yeah, trip canceled, adventure on the back burner.
Write: Not much in the mood, to be honest, but that'll change.
Connect: silver lining, I suppose. This is one I kinda was forced into - score one for me!
Health: mmm-hmmm, let's pass on this one.
Family: Another silver lining, been in good touch!
Happy: Not so much. Not just yet.

It'll be okay, I know that. I'm whining, I know that too. This just bites today.

resolving

2011-12-16T06:27:00.007-05:00

The easiest way to tell if I haven’t been writing enough this year? Count how many pages back I have to go to find last year’s post on resolutions ... way too few clicks required. Oy.

Resolution is such a weighty word, so I prefer to have goals or aspirations. However, the truth is that while I’m full of great intentions, I often don’t make the time or effort investment required to realize them. In essence, I’m lazy when it comes to personal fulfillment. So, this year I have resolutions. Straight up resolutions, or more specifically, resolution categories. Maybe it'll inspire me to actually make 'em happen.

1. 1. Travel and Adventure: I want to make time and resources available to travel more, experience more, and be more adventurous. I’d love to see that India trip happen in the next year or two, but there are so many places I want to go and loads of experiences to have. Not all of them far away, and some are waaaaay out there. This year, I’d like to book a few decent trips - some activity-based destinations, and others simply for the sake of being somewhere new.

2. 2. Write: I need to write more for myself. I've been getting wrapped up in editing other people’s stuff, writing press releases, marketing pieces, website content, etc. At a minimum, I'd like to get blogging again. Ideally, I want to develop a space where I can write more freely. This year, I'll figure out what that space will be and utilize it.

3. Connect: Writing is my most comfortable form of communicating and I think I should be a little more uncomfortable. I'd like to make sure I’m staying connected to people I care about in a more personal way - this has always been a struggle for me past a certain level of self-defined ‘realness’. I want to do better. Crucial to this is challenging myself to be vulnerable and to trust in my friendships - I have great people around me, my relationships would be even better if I did.

3. 4. Health: Being active does wonders for my mind, if not my waistline. I know I can be tough on myself, and I’m struggling with the way I’m looking and feeling right now. I simply need to be way healthier overall. A commitment to better food, exercise, balance, and working on resolving issues in my head will make me a stronger and healthier person. Perhaps I need another goal or race to inspire a physical shift?

4. 5. Family: Visit, share, and become more engaged with my family. Years have flown by. I can’t believe more than a decade has passed(!) since I left Vancouver. We live so far away, and I am simply feeling that distance. Time to break out the Skype, make more visits, and send more emails, BBMs and texts. I miss my mom!

5. 6. Happy: Make personal happiness a priority in my life. A simple sentiment, but probably the toughest resolution on my list. Making hard choices, being more selfish, and forcing time for things I want in my life - all not easy for me, but worth the effort in trying.

Merry Christmas. Here's to 2012!

a theme

2011-11-08T06:51:00.000-05:00

Lately, when I think of this blog, I envision a tumbleweed rolling across a dusty desert road, wind whistling, miniature tornadoes of sand and debris ... nothing for miles. In other words, I haven't written anything of any consequence in here for a long, long time and this space feels very neglected. Part broken habit, part being busy, part not feeling much like sharing in this venue, and part not wanting to be anything other then genuine here. The result has been a long dry spell of writing.

I opened up my web analytic tool today, surprised to see that a number of people still visit, regardless of the lacking content. And I was really surprised at where they are visiting from! That's the coolest part of online publishing, seeing patterns of visitors from far-flung places that I have only imagined going to.

Then there's other patterns. I also noted a new theme in the search terms people enter resulting in finding this blog. Aside from the normal 'delicate balance blog' search terms, and the 'pook toque' terms (man, you write ONE post about those hats, 2 years ago, and still!), how are people ending up here? Search terms like:

'are libras overthinkers?'
'overthinking'
'examples of good overthinking'
'balanced overthinking'
'libra overthinking'

Yikes. Let's just call THAT a lesson learned for the day.

windchime

2011-10-21T07:18:00.007-05:00

She goes out to hang the windchime

in her nightie and her work boots.

It’s six-thirty in the morning

and she’s standing on the plastic ice chest

tiptoe to reach the crossbeam of the porch,

windchime in her left hand,

hammer in her right, the nail

gripped tight between her teeth

but nothing happens next because

she’s trying to figure out

how to switch #1 with #3.

She must have been standing in the kitchen,

coffee in her hand, asleep,

when she heard it—the wind blowing

through the sound the windchime

wasn’t making

because it wasn’t there.

No one, including me, especially anymore believes

till death do us part,

but I can see what I would miss in leaving—

the way her ankles go into the work boots

as she stands upon the ice chest;

the problem scrunched into her forehead;

the little kissable mouth

with the nail in it.

~Tony Hoagland (via Dooce)

happy thanksgiving

2011-10-09T14:21:00.000-05:00

stuck in a moment

2011-09-28T06:34:00.001-05:00

I haven't been a big fan of U2's for a long time, but they are still the band I most associate being completely and utterly starstruck about in my youth. I've seen them in concert a few times, and like their music or not, they're pretty great to see live.

A friend shared the link below, where the Edge and Bono play a simple acoustic version of 'stuck in a moment' on David Letterman. Watching it was like stepping back in time - I was particularly struck by how familiar and comforting those voices are to me all these years later.

"You've got to get yourself together, you got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it. Don't say that later will be better, now you're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it."

lol

2011-09-27T10:44:00.004-05:00

Sitting in bed with a book propped on my lap (something I haven't really done in a year). The book is sweet, lots of meaning if you want to think of it that way, and funny!

I read a line and laugh out loud.

"Hmmph."
"Hmmph, what?"
"It's nice to hear you laugh."

I didn't know I hadn't been laughing, that not laughing would be noticed.

quick drive thru

2011-08-21T12:22:00.001-05:00

The Last of the New England shots - mostly Boston and a few from Burlington.

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

the wolves

2011-08-20T06:23:00.001-05:00

Falling from high places, falling through lost spaces,
Now that we're lonely, now that there's nowhere to go.
Watching from both sides, these clock towers burning up,
I lost my time here, i lost my patience with it all.

We lost faith, in the arms of love.

Where you been hiding lately, where you been hiding from the news?
Because we've been fighting lately, we've been fighting with the wolves.
With the wolves.
Red tongues and hands.

Falling from high places, falling through lost spaces,
Now that we're lonely, now that there's nowhere to go.
Watching from both sides, these towers been tumbling down,
I lost my mind here, I lost my patience with the lord.

We lost faith, oh in the arms of love

Where you been hiding lately, where you been hiding from the news?
Because we've been fighting lately, we've been fighting with the wolves.
With the wolves. Red tongues and hands.

We lost faith, in the arms of love.

Ben Howard - 'The Wolves': Nokia N8 Summer Sessions from Nokia HD on Vimeo.

new england - leg 2: provincetown, ma

2011-08-07T21:43:00.000-05:00

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

new england - leg 1: newport, ri

2011-08-06T14:36:00.000-05:00

A little camping, a little surfing, a little lobster feasting, biking, shopping, and kayaking - and a whole load of driving! We covered 5 states (Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, and New York) in 9 days.

And I'm now officially in love with New England.

Leg 1: Newport

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

psalm

2011-08-05T06:04:00.007-05:00

I'm smitten with Hey Rosetta!

I liked them fine before seeing them perform live, but once you're dancing to a cello, fiddle, horns, and some of the most complex drumming I've heard ... and once you see the smiles on their faces, still shocked and humbled by their growing popularity, while the crowd sings louder then their amplified voices ... well, you'll be smitten, too. (they are about to start a fall tour, fyi - I see Ottawa, Vancouver, Montreal, and San Francisco dates!)

I've seen Hey Rosetta! a couple of times now, and I have a great story about their show at Bluesfest - easily one of the best-vibed crowds I've ever participated in - torrential rainstorm, wild dancing, and all. But I'll save that for another post.

I was running along a country road last night and listening to Hey Rosetta! for a little added energy when their song, Psalm came on. Not their usual high-energy feel, but it fit my mood perfectly so I let it play. I walked a little and kept listening - such lovely, lovely lyrics. A piano and horns. That's it, simple. Touching.

I must have skipped past this song dozens of times, and now I kept putting it on repeat.

Its funny how that happens, isn't it - things you ignore or dismiss that can turn out to be important and meaningful later on?

Psalm
but often it happens you know
that the things you don’t trust are the ones you need most
so it's cautiously into the dark
but you see before long that your eyes will adjust
and under the night you can hear
the full moon rise like a psalm in the air
and the air goes into your lungs
and around in your heart and on through your blood
it goes cautiously into the dark
and you see before long that we all have a part
and under your skin you can feel
that the fear that you feel is what will set you free

and under the night you can hear
the full moon rise like a psalm in the air
and the air goes into your lungs

bon voyage

2011-07-21T15:21:00.000-05:00

“What you’ve done becomes the judge of what you’re going to do – especially in other people’s minds.
When you’re traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don’t have your past
to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.” – William Least Heat Moon

more blues

2011-07-14T06:08:00.004-05:00

As tired as I'm getting, I'm going to miss the access to live music after Ottawa Bluesfest wraps up on Sunday. What a privilege it is to spend warm sunny evenings along the river, walking between 6 stages while seeing amazing performers of all music types, from all over the world. Such a great vibe, and what a coup for our little city. I've been trying to look for 'shots' less, and actually enjoy the moments more ... plus, I may have forgotten my camera battery one night - oops ... The result is that my camera hasn't seen as much action in the last few days. Here's a few shots I did manage to take:

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

bluesfest, round 2

2011-07-07T17:43:00.005-05:00

Bluesfest - day 2 ... a nice night hanging out with Ben Harper. That guy can sing, alright ... but mmmmm-hmmmm, I'd be lying if I didn't say that simply watching is just as nice as hearing him. *ahem* Good as he was, I think the show of the night may have been Skrillex - kinda wish I spent a bit more time watching that. I also managed to catch a little Jose Conde and Rick Taylor before calling it quits early ... and yeah, I know - what a serious luxury it is to say all this.

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

Here's some video from the Skrillex show - I still love electronic music but it was the spectacle and the crowd that really made the show - they are just so unabashedly into it. Fantastic.

more alexander

2011-07-06T06:13:00.004-05:00

Such a great start to Ottawa's Bluesfest last night! We caught a couple of shows ... and snippets of a couple others. Nothing better then a warm, humid summer night with a few friends, a cold beer, and a plethora of music to enjoy.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros couldn't have been a more perfect show to start the festival for me. Just love that Alexander - so quirky, relaxed, and expressive. I liked that he climbed into the audience a few times, even stayed in the audience to hear Jade sing a song... cute.

The Flaming Lips were a spectacle of confetti, cheerleaders, and hamster-ball-crowd-surfing, much like last year. I noticed in one of my pictures that the lead singer from Flaming Lips was back/side stage at Edward Shapre, checking out the show. I like that - musicians hanging out and supporting each other.

On to a brief stop at Loudlove, which was indeed LOUD, and then to Tegan and Sarah. Meh. The show was nice, but I'm just not a huge fan.

The Cuban band we waited to see had a stage full of great instruments and talents, and was a bit too jazzy for my liking. However, blues man Steve Merriner was absolutely fantastic! Just him and a drummer - killer vocals and good guitar work - I'd like to see him again.

Not a fan of Soundgarden since my grunge phase in the 90's, I still couldn't help be impressed at how tight the music and vocals were. It looked like a great show ... we listened to them as we walked back to the car.

Now that's a good night of music!

I took 100's (no joke) of photos last night. A few are posted below, and I'dd add some later when I have a chance to download them to my computer. Until then, on to Ben Harper tonight. It's gonna be an exhausting couple of weeks.

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

sweet summer songs

2011-06-15T17:35:00.002-05:00

Every summer has its song. Happy, simple and sweet. It's the anthem of a lighter, easier time - a kick back, sip a beer on a patio kinda time. This one's been stuck in my head since I heard it, if not the song of my Summer, then at least a contender (along with Felicia and pumped up kicks).

Alexander (the lead from Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros) is as relaxed as it gets. In his solo work, just like in Edward Sharpe, the lyrics are lovely. A kaleidoscope of colours, effortlessly weaving a picture for all to ~~see~~ hear.

still electric, shocking each other back to life.

2011-06-06T19:49:00.000-05:00

Listener "Wooden Heart" from Nathan Corrona on Vimeo.

We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living

and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of
grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new
starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of
grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

credits

from Wooden Heart, released 06 July 2010

pink

2011-06-05T22:02:00.000-05:00

rainy sunday

2011-05-30T16:56:00.002-05:00

Our household is a-bustle with busyness these days. Different schedules and weird hours have meant dinners of delivery from Wonton house (delish - however a little calorie/fat rich for sustained eating), quick 'meals' at the bar, or a night of popcorn.

So, this Sunday I spent the afternoon cooking and preparing healthy meals - mostly individually packed - so we could each grab and go, whenever dinner worked in our schedule .... salmon, chili, chicken, pesto, roasted veggies, squash and quinoa, oh my! It was actually fun to make that much food all at once, and pretty satisfying to see it labeled, packaged, and ready for the freezer.

Holy domestic.

can't argue with that wisdom

2011-05-24T22:10:00.000-05:00

exactly what keeps me up at night

2011-05-23T09:05:00.000-05:00

It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.

It isn’t a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a disaster to have no ideal to capture.

It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no starts to reach for. Not failure, but low aim is sin.

- Benjamin Elijah Mays

(via swiss miss)

still smitten with spring. and green.

2011-05-16T20:16:00.000-05:00

finally ... spring.

2011-05-09T06:16:00.000-05:00

derek

2011-05-04T23:44:00.005-05:00

I met Derek when I worked at Multiactive Software (now Maximizer), back in the late 90’s. It was my first job in a corporate environment, first cubicle, first time in a tall building downtown … to say I was ‘green’ would be an understatement.

I started with the organization in the sales department, hoping I’d be able to work the system and land a job in marketing or communications. I did, and when I joined the communications team, I met Derek. Derek was a tech geek, through and through, and I had no business working in technology. I knew nothing about technology, other than it was a growing industry that I wanted to get in on. I remember thinking Derek was so much more together and way farther ahead then me. He was great at what he did, he was expecting the birth of his first child, and he was busy starting another venture of his own – he was impressive, even then. He felt strongly about the work our company was doing, and when he penned letters to various publications on behalf of the organization, he’d sign my name as the writer (since I was the one in communications and should have been writing them). For years after, I would Google my name and smile that these tech-industry letters appeared, making me look so much smarter on the subject of CRM then I ever was.

I lost touch with many of my Multiactive friends when the company downsized and I and left Vancouver, though I managed to keep in touch with a few of them over facebook and blogs - Derek’s blog for sure. His very public and very honest life with cancer has been difficult to read, and like so many others have, I’ll call him inspirational and brave. Derek lost his life to cancer this week at the age of 41, and leaves behind 2 young daughters, a wife he adored, his parents, and countless friends – both the in-person and virtual varieties. From his last blog entry, which he had his wife and friends post upon his death:

"The world, indeed the whole universe, is a beautiful, astonishing, wondrous place. There is always more to find out. I don't look back and regret anything, and I hope my family can find a way to do the same".

True to his love of the written word, his dying wish was that people stop putting two spaces after a period. So if you’re still doing that (why, why are you still doing that?), this is as good a reason as any to stop. Do it for Derek.

I won’t say ‘rest in peace’ because he didn’t believe in that. I guess that just leaves goodbye.

sure signs

2011-04-26T20:29:00.000-05:00

Well, hello there, spring! welcome back.

counting down the days

2011-04-15T21:57:00.004-05:00

If you live in the Ottawa area, come down and celebrate with Melody and Bronwen as they throw open the doors to Ottawa's first glassblowing centre. I'm so excited for them! ~~and sooooo looking forward to my first gather of molten glass in the new space!~~ (had my first gather - wasn't pretty, but felt so great!)

so much bigger than me

2011-04-12T07:05:00.004-05:00

"Mountains are giant, restful, absorbent. You can heave your spirit into a mountain, and the mountain will keep it, folded, and not throw it back as creeks will ... the mountains are home."

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

age and wisdom

2011-03-27T17:41:00.009-05:00

okay, I’ll admit it. I think I may be a little freaked out about turning 40. Not in a ‘I’m getting so old’ kinda way (I’ve never worried about age like that, or felt weird with people older or younger then me), but more in a ‘what have I accomplished? How well am I living my life?’ kinda way.

As great as it is, my life is nothing like I imagined it would be. That’s both good and hard (it’s also not unique). Good, because I’ve had all sorts of experiences and been introduced to all sorts of things and people and places I never could have thought of back then. Hard, because its tough to feel like you’ve let yourself down, or just weren’t good/smart/talented enough to make things happen.

There's no way around it. The list of possibilities for my ‘future’ are shrinking - or rather, they’re changing. Certain things I expected to have accomplished and achieved are likely out of my grasp now. Not all of them, no ... and there are new goals that can be set, for sure.

So, let’s change gears here and focus on the fun part of turning 40! I've been giving some thought to how I’d like to mark the occasion. A while back, my friend Susan and I were sharing notes about things we wanted to do in our 40th years. A few emails back and forth and we had the makings of a good idea ... each of us would create a list of 10 things we wanted to do over the next year (and a bit). Attainable and fun things, experiences that we really want to have.

I’m a fan of lists. Understatement - I’m a HUGE fan of lists. This one has been a bit challenging, though. I'm used to writing lists that are more bent on improvement or addressing things I want to change. Just focusing on fun things that are realistic and measurable (and able to be achieved in the next short while) is surprsingly difficult. So much so, that I determined that there needs to be room for additions and deletions. I've got a while before my birthday, and then the year after to complete it all - so I can only guess that my mind will change! For now, here's my list ... edits more then likely to follow!

10 things to experience in my 40th year

Create a piece of glass art that I'm happy with, without any hands-on help from Melody
Visit India
Compete in the Hood to Coast race
SCUBA in tropical waters at least twice (Monterey kelp forest is an exception to one tropical trip)
Long Weekends away in: NYC, Chicago, Boston (SF & Vancoucver??)
Shoot, edit, print, frame and hang a collection of 10+ photos
Bungee or skydive
Eat at French Laundry (SF), Atelier (Ottawa), and TBD in NYC and Montreal.
Music - See live music every month ... at home and away
I'd like to add something about writing, just need to figure out how to make it meaningful and measurable.
*Spend a night at Harbin - Jasmine cottage
*Swim with bio-luminescent plankton at night.
*Snowboarding next winter: BC Interior or Smugglers Notch, Jay Peak and Le Massif

(*Let's just say I'm over achieving, rather then indecisive, okay?)

There's a lot of travel related things on this list. Truth be told, I could easily make a list of 150 things that are entirely travel related, and they all rate as pretty important. Seeing and experiencing the world has emerged as a real beacon for me, I look forward to being more active in making it a part of my life.

Here's to fun, lists, celebration and crossing things off.

knitta, please! (and thanks)

2011-03-23T21:18:00.035-05:00

'Grafknitti' ... 'Graffiti Knitting' ... 'Urban Knitting' ... whatever name you know it by - do you have this happening where you live, too? I know it's not new, but here in Ottawa, I'm really impressed it's around at all. Among scores of conservative, decorum-focused play-it-safe-ers, is a small but steady crafty uprising. And I love it!

I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. If 8(?) years of living here has taught me anything, it's that there's a seriously funky soul beating in the heart of Ottawa .... you just need to have interest in digging to get at it.

I started noticing knit adornment of public property a couple of years ago here, but in very sparse and sparing numbers. It's been a long time that I've seen evidence of the knitter's uprising in Ottawa, but my lunch-time walk the other day had me spotting a few(!) colourful wool-covered sign posts like this one (blackberry camera, forgive the quality):

As a fan of graffiti in general - not the lame tags (see background of photo above) and jumble of random expletives - but the true artists who enhance an otherwise bland place or give people pause for thought, I really appreciate the 'urban knitters' for the burst of colour and whimsy in this otherwise grey time of year. Plus, it's a great little reminder to lighten the eff up, already!

In case this 'grafknitti' is something new to you, just check out some beautiful (and thought provoking) work that these knitting fiends have gifted us with:

entitled 'Tree cozy', this incredible crocheted outfit was made by carol hummel, took 500 hours from start to finish

'Tank Cozy' by Danish artist Marianne Jørgensen. She gathered knitted pink squares from knitters
around the globe to create this - a criticism of Denmark's involvement in Iraq.

I adore this movement, just brilliant! Read more about 'urban knitting' and check out the infamous knitting group 'Knitta Please' for photos and projects taking place around the world. It's a woolly revolution, yo!

lucky

2011-03-15T11:35:00.006-05:00

The access to footage showing unimaginable devastation in Japan is astounding, and watching people die in real time - over and over - is simply brutal. My mind is getting numb and empty with the loss; it's absolutely unreal. I can hardly watch the news anymore, the impact of those images has worn me down ... how lucky am I to have the option to turn it off?

Please click on the image below and donate what you can:

yep

2011-03-13T00:41:00.001-05:00

leap of faith

2011-02-22T23:57:00.006-05:00

“I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to
me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it
bruised or misunderstood.” – Audre Lorde

I'm half way there - it's just trusting that the 'risky' part won't utterly destroy me that needs some work.
(and that's the whole point, I know).

on being enough ... and seeing beauty in vulnerability

2011-01-31T19:27:00.003-05:00

To say I relate to what Brené Brown - the speaker in this TEDx Houston talk on Expanding Perceptions - talks about, would verge on being an understatement. It's a little touchy-feely, yes ... just get over that and absorb the fact that there's an important message to receive. This is 20 minutes worth spending and investing in yourself. Please watch :

the price

2011-01-29T16:21:00.001-05:00

drinking 15 dollar champagne —
Cordon Rouge — with the hookers.

one is named Georgia and she
doesn’t like pantyhose:
I keep helping her pull up
her long dark stockings.

the other is Pam — prettier
but not much soul, and
we smoke and talk and I
play with their legs and
stick my bare foot into
Georgia’s open purse.
it’s filled with bottles of pills. I
take some of the pills.

“listen,” I say, “one of
you has soul, the other
looks. can’t I combine
the 2 of you? take the soul
and stick it into the looks?”

“you want me,” says Pam, “it
will cost you a hundred.”
we drink some more and Georgia
falls to the floor and can’t
get up.

I tell Pam that I like her
earrings very much. her
hair is long and a natural
red.

“I was only kidding about the
hundred,” she says.

“oh,” I say, “what will it cost
me?”

she lights her cigarette with
my lighter and looks at me
through the flame:

her eyes tell me.

“look,” I say, “I don’t think I
can ever pay that price again.”

she crosses her legs
inhales on her cigarette

as she exhales she smiles
and says, “sure you can.”

- Bukowski

still creating

2011-01-23T16:36:00.001-05:00

Yes, yes - I'm keeping up with the plan of creating something handmade each week ... over-achieving, actually! So far, I've learned guitar chords, created printed photo books, explored new music, made great playlists, and even created a master list of handmade projects to tackle when time allows. All that to say: I'm on it!

My computer died a couple of weeks ago, taking with it the files and photos and programs all necessary to make these posts happen. Some nail-biting later, the Geek Squad came through and I finally got up and running again today. During my laptop-hiatus, I realized that having limited access to a computer felt kinda nice. My comfort tells me that I may be spending too many nights enjoying the warmth of a computing device on my lap vs. something more ... ah ... real? So, it may only be a matter of hours, but I'm not quite ready to jump back in at full speed just yet.

For now, why don't you enjoy the view from my lovely walk in snowy Gatineau Park? Life outside the computer screen is suuuuure pretty! I'll be back soon.

handmade year - or - avoiding resolutions

2011-01-06T19:38:00.009-05:00

It's 2011 and I, for one, can't say that I'm sad to move on from 2010. See ya later, sucker.

Okay - It wasn't all bad, but boy ... the parts that were bad, were really bad! I'm pretty proud of getting through it, even if I may still be a little tentative about whether it's actually over. I wouldn't change a thing about the last year, though; status quo simply couldn't continue if I was to be healthy. And it's true what they say ... as hard as it was, so many wonderful things also came out of those dark times.

One of the most positive things I'm taking from last year was learning just how amazing the people in my life are ... specifically, learning to put that knowledge to the test. Whether it was constant reminders that I had value, or being given tasks to keep my mind busy, friends who simply allowed me to be (even when that meant I was a stick-in-the-mud), encouragement and patience without limits, and the ever-constant reminders to: Go. Have. Some. Fun, already! My support system was well tasked in 2010, and they made every bit of difference for me. I'm a lucky girl.

I rang in 2011 in Belize this year, enjoying a week with some of that aforementioned support system. After days of sun, running, diving, snorkeling, walking, chatting, eating and tourist-ing, I'm beginning 2011 reminded of what the important things in (my) life are. Not a bad place to start.

Since I'm not much of a fan of resolutions, this year I decided to take a challenge instead. My lovely friend Melody posted about her own project to create something 'handmade' every day this year and threw out a challenge for others to join her. I like the idea of giving some thought to being creative (and I tend to work best with deadlines), so I jumped on board - sorta. There is no way I'm going to create something every day, why set myself up for failure? So my personal project is to make something every week instead. There's no rules around what 'it' should be, and I'll do my best to capture and post about my creation each week. Here's to 52 reminders in 2011 that making space in a busy life for creativity is a priority!

Weekly Handmade: Week 1 - It's Un-Belizeable!
I was extra-lucky to find a new telephoto lens in my stocking this year and put the new goods to the test as we toured Belize. Below are some of the shots from our trip - enjoy!

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

perspective

2010-12-06T15:50:00.016-05:00

A former colleauge of mine, Derek Miller, has been living with cancer for nearly four years and sharing his experiences publicly on his blog penmachine.com (and also through interviews on CBC). Sadly, a week ago he announced that he will die soon. He has handled this reality with straight-forward, unwaivering courage.

From his post titled "The endgame":
"In the next couple of years, about 100 million people will die around the world—of old age or other natural causes, in accidents, of infections, from pathogens or poisons, in wars and terrorist attacks, from congenital defects, in fights, of suicide, in natural disasters, from medical errors, of exposure, by misadventure, by assassination or murder, and of various diseases and conditions. Between 10 and 15 million of those people will die of cancer. Today I'm telling you that I'll be one of them."

I haven't known him personally in many years, but I do know this: Derek is smart, funny and accomplished. He is 41 years old and has two young daughters, a wife, a puppy, and a network of family and friends he loves ... and, he's dying. It seems so unfair, and yet, it's simply the way it is. Is dying, at any time, by any means, really 'fair'? It's just a sad fact, made more sad by the circumstances surrounding it.

I've been a fan of Derek's blog for a while now, and his stories of living with cancer (and cancer treatments) have often put things in perspective for me - his recent posts, perhaps even more so. His latest CBC interview is hard to hear, and real. Give it a listen.

For the holidays, give yourself and your family a gift. That pap/breast exam/prostate check you've been putting off? Yeah, lets all agree to make that a priority.

shoe box diary

2010-10-26T12:41:00.010-05:00

Last night we sat down, music playing and fueled with freshly baked cookies, to dig through two shoe boxes full of photos. It may not sound like a huge job, but searching 100's and 100's of old photos - spanning the decade before we went digital - is quite an undertaking. We were looking for one shot in particular which, of course, we never found, but we did manage to stumble upon another life ... or 12.

What made it a big job wasn't just the number of pictures, but rather the flood of remembering, reminiscing and head-shaking styles of hair, clothing, shoes, and cars. There were the usual shots of trips, scenery, projects, parties, milestones and friends. Photos of his life and mine, separate and then together, thrown into a box to become a part of 'us'. It felt a little weird, and I caught myself judging our lives based on the pictures. What did our pictures say about us?

What struck me was how many people and places have come and gone (maybe not completely, but certainly not as prominent) from our lives. Not unusual for the ages that these pictures span, certainly, but photos have a way of putting you right back to those moments captured. These places and people were everything - so important, the definition of who we were. It's amazing how quickly things fade and change as one moves on with life ... a positive thing mostly, and also a little sad.

And how many shots of scenery does one need?! Or shots that really don't say anything at all, that may be nice but don't tell a story? Note to self: these aren't the photos that you'll cherish. So take them, sure, but maybe take about 70% less of them! On the flip-side, it was fantastic to see old haunts, friends and family that we've lost touch with, or who are no longer with us, shots that capture and remind us of something life-changing - an impressive achievement for something only 5"x7" and made of paper.

It also occurred to me that I look at my digital pictures much more often then printed ones. I spend time going back over old computer files and my flickr photo stream with much more regularity then the twice per decade dive into the shoe boxes. But some of the shoe box shots are just too good (read: embarrassing) not to share. With that, I think I'll do a little montage every now and then so they find their place among our other photos, with their digital brothers and sisters.

It's only fair that I start with with me, and a small nod to my 20's (mostly). I've never been a fan of being in front of the camera, and disorganized in keeping printed photos at all. Fortunately I have friends that do a much better job of both, should I want to see some awkward shots of myself. Or not.

So here's the most strangely random grouping of shots of myself. You'll see me ripe with spiral-permed hair, doc martens, plaid and the like. Click the photo below to make it bigger, if you dare!

unseen sea

2010-10-14T10:48:00.002-05:00

Stunning time-lapse video that makes me nostalgic and homesick for San Francisco. I adore the music he chose, how the fog moves like ocean waves, watching the planes travel their flight paths, and seeing the twin peaks tower poking up over the fog. San Franciscans have a love-hate relationship with that fog - it's something to joke about and endure, yet deep down they (I) love the emotion it evokes.

Romantic and moody, and another awesome show by mother nature.

The Unseen Sea from Simon Christen on Vimeo.

a great example of how over-thinking can lead to a rambling post

2010-09-28T11:04:00.005-05:00

Who says that astrological signs are meaningless? Yes, maybe it’s the power of suggestion, of being told what kind of a person I am over and over again for almost 40 years, but it turns out that I am a Libra – good and bad, totally Libra.

Libras are the diplomats of the zodiac. They are charming, easy going, and willing to suppress their own needs and opinions in order to preserve good relations. Libras avoid conflict at all costs, and would rather give in than have an unnecessary argument (or in some cases, a necessary one).

Peace-Loving -

Libras are reasonable, nonjudgmental and able to see both sides of an issue. As a result, they are often asked to intervene in disagreements between friends, family members and coworkers. Arguments make Libras miserable. They crave peace and much of their lives are spent in the pursuit of harmony.

Logical and Idealistic -

Libras tend to be thoughtful, and also require much food for thought. This is a sign with a high need for intellectual stimulation, and most Libras do a lot of reading. Libras tend to process things intellectually rather than emotionally. Libras are charismatic, diplomatic, idealistic and logical, which enables them to get along well with a wide variety of people.

source: suite101

Regardless of where the information came from, or if it's based in any kind of reality or not, the description above fits, especially the concept and importance of a seeing all sides and preserving peace. I reduce all that information, which I accept is a good description of who I am, to this: Balance.

I’ve said it many times before, balance(d) is the one word I would choose to describe myself, my goals, essentially the thing that keeps me rooted. Call it harmony, acceptance, the choice to recognize and understand opposing views and realities – to me, it's all different ways of saying the same thing. There are so many positive aspects to this, and I like these traits in myself. I feel like the positives outweigh the negatives, but (of course!) there are negative aspects, too.

Being balanced – seeing all sides of every equation – means that sometimes I feel like I have little conviction, that I make no particular statement. I have a circular brain. It goes around and around, feeding arguments and ideas from one side to the other, leaving me without any clear answer, yet, often content with any outcome. Many like to think of that as ‘easy going’, or ‘flexible’. But is it? Or is it lack of ability to take a stand, to recognize what’s important (to me)?

At the same time, I associate some negativity with another word that represents balance: Average. Average is a word I’ve grown to dislike, and if I’m truthful, is a word I’ve used to describe many aspects of myself since childhood. There’s absolutely nothing remarkable about being average, though there’s nothing exactly wrong with it, either. It's just boring.

I’ve been thinking about that, and as harmless as it is, it’s also a bit of a drag. I look at friends and colleagues who have passion(s), who have thrown themselves whole-heartedly into one thing or the other because of a deep-seeded desire that escapes explanation. And passion? Passion is the best of contrasts to balance. I greatly admire it in people because the achievements are fantastic, and the sense of personal accomplishment must feel unreal. I’m not certain that I posses the ability, myself. Don’t get me wrong, I have loads of interests, of things I want to achieve and goals to attain; I have even achieved some! But, perhaps I’ve been confusing passion with drive? I believe if 'drive' is the desire to do/have/achieve something, then passion must be the vehicle that actually makes it happen. I’ve spent a lot of time berating myself for having little drive, when now I’m wondering if it’s actually a lack of passion that I need to deal with?

And what is passion, exactly? I think of it as the desire to spend as much energy and (realistic) time into whatever ‘it’ is, until you reach a level of achievement that resonates with you. So, for example, I like to run. And I do run. But, have I read books on technique, taken specialized training, created a community of runners around me, eaten well and worked out, pushed myself to be a really good runner, etc, etc? Nope. I just run - occasionally - and I like it, but I also get frustrated with the bad days. My lack of serious action tells me that it must not be a passion of mine, because if it were, wouldn't I want to do everything I could to make myself a really good runner?

It's absolutely okay to keep running the way I am, I know that, but it also means I will always be an average runner (and the circle is complete). That acceptance is what the Libra in me finds … normal. Is passion something you can learn, or is it inherent? Is it something that everyone has and it’s just a matter of tapping into that ‘thing’ which will ignite into passion? Why do some people have seemingly limitless ability for passions and others only focus on a few?

I’m determined to find out. Consider this the beginning of a fact-finding mission.

september

2010-09-08T12:45:00.007-05:00

September is here, and after years of childhood freedoms ending with Labour Day, it’s hard to shake that ‘first day of school’ feeling. Even as an adult, there’s something about the day after Labour Day that signifies the start of getting down to business. Only hours after kicking-back on the dock, tending the campfire, or packing up a tent, thoughts turn - like the flip of a light switch - to objectives with work, to packing away the summer furniture, and digging out the sweaters and boots. Leaves have mysteriously started to gather in the corners of the driveway, rain is falling, and nights are cool and comfortable for sleeping. It feels like it does every single year, like it all happened way too fast ... the end of the playfulness of summer and acceptance of the impending shift into the seriousness of fall and winter.

This feels like the beginning of the year for me, so much more so then January 1^st ever does. And this year in particular has me considering accomplishments made (and not yet made), goals for the coming year, and the urgency to make good on a whole host of promises I’ve made to myself and to others. Like the end of summer always feels so sudden, all this responsibility feels sudden, or rather, ‘timely’, too.

This time last year was pretty miserable for me. So, I’m also reflecting a bit - a bit too much. I like to think that its all different now, that I’ve moved past that rut, but its on my mind a lot. I feel like I should be better, further ahead, more certain, way more accomplished. I'm avoiding acknowledging the fact I've let myself down. Of course, as is often the case, I’m my own worst critic.

You know? I ought to add ‘cut myself some slack’ to that list!

However, outside of the melancholy that the end of summer brings, is the promise of fall. Fall is my favorite time of year, and even though I say that about every season coming up next, I really do mean it with fall. Especially the fall here in Ottawa. Still warm enough to go outside without too many layers, cool enough to put on a cozy sweater, and waaaaaay more comfortable for running then 30+ degrees and humidity. The crunching of leaves, fall colours, and anticipation of that first snowfall – its all magical. So rather then get overwhelmed with all the other stuff, that what I’m trying to anticipate and celebrate.

And hey – summer is technically NOT over just yet! Still lots of sunshine, butterflies, and dock-time to be had. So, its only fitting that below are a few highlights of my summer (so far):

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

oh. oh my.

2010-09-01T22:34:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, my love for the internet is a glittery-unicorn-sticker kind of love. It's best if you don't ask why, trust me. High kicks!

(via mighty girl)

roots

2010-08-13T16:30:00.005-05:00

The first thing I noticed when I walked out of the airport? The smell of salty ocean air ... nothing beats that smell.

Hot sunny weather foretasted for the next week and plenty of beaches,
mountains and islands waiting to be visited.

poi @ rompre stomp

2010-07-25T11:52:00.037-05:00

Rompre Stomp: An annual b-day bash for a couple of local boys has grown into the kind of party only Wakefield, QC would dream of ... a little quirky, completely all-inclusive, a tad bohemian, and centered around music. You know it's a party when there's poi!

'Let 'em riot. We're Sonic-fuckin'-Death Monkey'

2010-07-21T12:57:00.001-05:00

I was just recently introduced to a band called Fruit Bats ( thanks, Rebecca) and have had their happy music stuck in my head ever since. They are uplifiting and a bit quirky - easy to listen, clean and drive to - and have some great lyrics on top of it all. Too bad something about their name makes me feel like a trying-too-hard indie music snob whenever I say it out loud, or like I'm an extra on the set of High Fidelity (one of my all time top 5 favorite movies about music, fyi). The fact is, I'm just way too uncool to pull it off. See what I mean:

"Hey guys, have you heard the latest Fruit Bats album?" *ahem* Yeah, lets be honest ... I have no business saying that out loud. I'd never make it as a music snob, certainly not with a straight face.

I did notice that the band's last album (see how I didn't even try to use their name?) was listed as one of the top 10 indie albums of 2009 by indiemuse.com - the link to see what else made top 10 is here - a few that I knew, but also lots of new music to check out. We'll let indiemuse talk the talk. I just wanna listen, anyway.

This is the song that's been playing in my head (the sweet lyrics are below)

There’s a man who lives on the sun who makes it hot for everyone

Make you run aground like a ship in the shallows 
Make your whole heart come undone.

And you come back as the soil before you come back as a soul

And you’ll be worn away by the rain in the rivers

Before you have the chance to go to the great unknown.

But you are not alone, being on your own

There’s a man from the end of the world

The weary weird end of the world

And he lost his grip on the very last clip

And fell dreaming of his best girl

And he came back as a goat before he came back as a ghost

And he was worn away by the rain in the rivers

And he found himself on his own

But he is not alone being on his own

And there’s a light at the end of the line where everything’s divine

Help you get your grip and fly to the ether

And you’ll finally be just fine

But the man who lives in the sun has got it out for everyone

Make us run ground like ships in the shallows

Makes our whole world come undone

And we’ll be on our own

But we are not alone in being on our own

We are not alone being on our own

land of talk

2010-07-10T08:08:00.001-05:00

ottawa bluesfest - claridge and mbna stages

2010-06-29T13:29:00.006-05:00

Only a little more then a week away, and down to the last 2 stages. These are not my most favorite stages ... they usually host acts that are fairly popular - which is great - but what I look forward to at bluesfest is finding new acts in an intimate setting. Of course, with the acts listed below in addition to the likes of Santana, Rush, Moody Blues, Matthew Good, Arcade Fire, Iron Maiden and Weezer, the main stage(s) will be packed powder-kegs of energy ... something to check out, if you're so inclined.

More music? Picks for the Black Sheep stage can be found here and picks for the Hard Rock stage here.

Here's what's making my radar for the top 5 on the MBNA and Claridge stages:

MBNA STAGE

Silver Creek: After seeing Mumford and Sons in a 200 person venue a few months ago, seeing Silver Creek play at Kaffe 1870 is perhaps the biggest musical highlight of the last 6 months. These guys are solid, solid southern-rock musicians.

Metric: I've seen 'em before and have been disappointed, but I heart Metric. I'll fight the crowds to dance and yell along with 1000's of others - sometimes big crowds are exactly what you need.

Flaming Lips: Pure entertainment, guaranteed. This should be a wild show....

Great Big Sea: Another happy dance party!

Old Crow Medicine Show: I don't know much about these guys, other then John's band covers the song in the video below and that video makes me want to see more.

CLARIDGE STAGE

Gipsy Kings: Call it nostalgia. I haven't seen these guys in a long time and I'm looking forward to hearing a few old favorites ... and dancing ... preferably in the rain.

Sarah Harmer: I'm a fan of Sarah's. I especially like the stories in her lyrics, how she succinctly describes Ontario's landscape and her amazing ability to simply capture complex emotions. Lyrics like '...does it matter what I remember might be my own imagination painting scenes more pretty...' from the song in the video below.

Good music to watch an Ottawa sunset over the river.

Martin Sexton: A great singer/songwriter. I've never seen him live, and am really looking forward to it.

Steve Winwood: Another trip down memory lane. I'm gonna check it out just to hear that Hammond fire up.

Kings go Forth: 10-piece soul/funk band. Sounds fun!

... Also, Jimmy Cliff and Caravan Palace

edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros

2010-06-18T09:58:00.004-05:00

The video below was filmed on the street in San Francisco - it's a celebration of how music binds and moves us, and also a celebration of life and energy in San Francisco. The first song on the video, called 'home', ahhhh! this song makes me teary-happy.

via blogotheque:

"But in the corner of my eye I see Alex Ebert, the 'front man' slip out of the room. He pushes a piano onto the street. My heart begins to pound. Finally. It was the moment that we wanted to create for months. I pressed 'REC' and let the energy take control. What happened next, I could only have imagined":

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero's - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

shared wisdom

2010-06-18T07:05:00.000-05:00

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

~ Max Ehrmann (via chookooloonks)

ottawa bluesfest - hard rock stage

2010-06-16T15:05:00.005-05:00

On to stage #2. This is killing me; I want to catch a little of everything! Listing everything I'm interested in would be useless, though. The idea is to focus on a few bands that pique my interest in advance, so it's easier to make on-the-fly choices while in the moment. So, in the spirit of keeping things more brief (ha), I'll limit the choices for the remaining stages. Below are my top 7 acts playing on the Hard Rock stage. (I know, a random number. I tried real hard to keep it to a 'top 5', but no luck). There's also some honourable mentions under the picks ... talk about indecisiveness! Just wait until I start comparing my favorites from each stage to see which conflict ... torture.

Looking for another stage? Black Sheep stage picks here.

Hard Rock Stage

1. Robert Randolph and the Family Band: Funky ... this band sounds like a great flashback. Killer bass lines and hey, they cover the Doobie Brothers! Really, I'm keen to check these guys out simply for the spectacle of watching Robert's skills on the pedal steel guitar. Something this out of the ordinary gets my attention, at least for a few songs.

2. Great Lake Swimmers: Vintage-folk all stars! I have never seen these guys and wanted to for some time - now's my chance.

3. The Swell Season: Honestly. Watch the video below, it breaks my heart wide open. Don't know anything about them, but I have a good feeling.

4. Aggrolites: Ska, baby ... Full on, old school, Ska. This is gonna be a messy-fun night (Cat Empire plays a little later that night, too). :)

5. Cat Empire: If you've never seen them, don't miss this show. One of the best bands to see live - infectious energy and a happy crowd - a sure-thing dance party. So looking forward to this one.

6. Dana Fuchs: Think she may be channeling Janis Joplin. What a voice.

7. Love Machine: Looking for some more dancing?

Honourable Mentions (try and see these guys too!): Charlie Winston, Derek Trucks + Susan Tedeschi Band, Timber Timber, Bear in Heaven, Curtis Salgado, Andrew Bird, and Rural Alberta Advantage.

on being thankful ... or, another reason why I love the internet

2010-06-10T19:38:00.008-05:00

How sweet, funny, touching, and thought provoking.

Leah Dieterich writes a blog called thxthxthx and calls it her daily exercise in gratitude. Each day Leah posts a hand written note of something she's thankful for that day - not just things like sunshine, chocolate, and flowers, either. Talk about having perspective! Fantastic.

Here's a few that caught my attention today:

how to reach contentment

2010-06-09T21:43:00.020-05:00

I came across this great reminder today.

For someone who puts attaining her own contentment somewhere near the lower end on the list of 'things to worry about', reading the confirmation below felt refreshing - like I was somehow meant to find this simple little nugget buried in the bowels of the internet. It also reminded me of a friend who kept a yellow post-it note stuck to her bathroom mirror. It said, 'start now' ... I always loved seeing that.

via chookooloonks

We were not put on this Earth to be unhappy.
Understand: I'm not saying "we were not put on this Earth to avoid dealing with unhappy things." Of course we're going to encounter sadness, or depression, or grief, or bad jobs, or bad relationships or even soul-sucking careers. Sometimes these situations will require us to just walk away. Other times we'll be called to rise above them. Even others might require clinical intervention. But I do think, in all instances, we are meant to do whatever it takes to strive toward contentment. And I think, in the end, for all of us, this takes conscious, focused, daily diligence.

may long

2010-05-25T09:48:00.002-05:00

A great weekend of cottaging, porch-parties, and hanging on the dock with friends. Unseasonably hot and humid weather made for a slower pace ... the time to indulge in sunshine.

A few shots from the cottage:

Try this: put your left hand on the left side of your face, your right hand on the right side of your face
... now squeeze your cheeks in towards your nose.

*that* is exactly what I was thinking of when I saw this little turtle-face.

Minna loves to be on boats. She'll hop on the nose of the kayak
and go for a ride if you'll only get close enough.

Kayaking on the lake near sunset ... not pictured above:
black flies feasting on my neck. But sooo lovely to be out on the water!

ottawa bluesfest - black sheep stage

2010-05-11T10:59:00.004-05:00

It's almost here!

There is no better music festival I've been to then Ottawa's Bluesfest. Some seriously great and diverse acts come flooding into Ottawa for 2 weeks each summer, and I'm always waiting with anticipation to welcome the festival back. Warm, windy nights on the river's edge, dancing on the grass to a fantastic assortment of bands (beer in hand and a happy cluster of good friends beside me). It just doesn't get any better. Though I may be missing some of my old favorites, and not overly interested in many of the mainstream acts playing, it's Bluesfest! You just know that there will be great music to find.

Time to do some research. This year, I'm gonna be a bit more systematic about it, starting now. And since I'm all about sharing (and hoping some locals will join me on my quest to see as many acts as humanly possible), I'm posting my top choices of bands to see, organized by stage. My taste may not be yours, and by no means is this a comprehensive list of what I think would be good to see - just an outline of the acts that are interesting me most (today). First up, the Black Sheep Stage.

The Black Sheep Stage

Éthiopiques: The description of this one sounds pretty cool. Since there is no youtube video to see, it will be a surprise what they sound like. Often, these are the best shows ... no expectations. However, an 11 piece band and the 'James Brown of Ethiopia' can only be well worth the effort!

The description from the Bluesfest site: 'Éthiopiques refers to the 23-volume album compilation that Francis Falceto made for the Buda label in France. An 11-piece band of exceptional musicians from the Horn of Africa has been formed as a tribute to this special music, featuring singer Alèmayèh Eshèté (the Ethiopian James Brown) and saxophonist Gétatchèw Mèkurya'.

The Constellations: I'm kinda excited about this one. When I listened to them I was thrown all over the place: The Beatles, Beastie Boys, Flaming Lips, Kool and the Gang ... Basically a mash-up of hip-hop, electronica, and good'old funk, disco and rock. On their Myspace page they describe their sound as a 'psychedelic soul-rock explosion'. I think that about covers it.

The band has disabled embedding, but you can check out the video for their single 'Setback' by clicking this link (this particular song is heavy on psychedelic, light on funk). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB5y_pgT_L8

Ozomatli: Maybe verging on cheesy for some, this is a seriously energetic Latino, hip-hop, salsa funk band. Listening to it reminds me of hanging out in the Mission district while the local taqueria blares tunes. One thing is certain - dancing will be required! And maybe a flask of tequila.

Konono No. 1: This falls under the category of 'just gotta see it'. Not sure that I really like the sound, per say, but it's the spectacle that I don't want to miss (at least for a few songs). Hailing from an area somewhere between Congo and Angola, this band mixes traditional hand-made instruments with electric ones to create 'bazombo trance music'. I'm game!

Ryan Montbleau Band: Really liking the sound of these guys too. Folk/R&B/Blues. Straight up - nothing fancy. Just the way it should be.

Occidental Brothers Dance International: Guess I'm on an African themed appreciation of music today ... or maybe that's just the Black Sheep programming? Another high-energy African-jazz band. Warm nights, African sounds and dancing. Yessssss.

Afroreggae: Did somebody mention high-energy!!?? I think these guys were at Bluesfest last year, but I missed 'em. This band is from Rio - big sounds, lotsa drums, and a mix of soul, reggae and hip-hop. Nice.

So - there's MY Black Sheep Stage highlights. Onto the next stage soon, where it's only expected that something will catch my eye playing at exactly the same time as one of the shows above. Such is life at Bluesfest - madly running from one stage to the next, choosing between stages, and hoping you made the right choice!

new favorite

2010-03-18T08:34:00.006-05:00

Dogfish

Some kind of relaxed and beautiful thing
kept flickering in with the tide
and looking around.
Black as a fisherman's boot,
with a white belly.

If you asked for a picture I would have to draw a smile
under the perfectly round eyes and above the chin,
which was rough
as a thousand sharpened nails.

And you know
what a smile means,
don't you?

*
I wanted the past to go away, I wanted

to leave it, like another country; I wanted
my life to close, and open
like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song
where it falls
down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery;
I wanted
to hurry into the work of my life; I wanted to know,

whoever I was, I was

alive
for a little while.

It was evening, and no longer summer.
Three small fish, I don't know what they were,
huddled in the highest ripples
as it came swimming in again, effortless, the whole body
one gesture, one black sleeve
that could fit easily around
the bodies of three small fish.

Also I wanted
to be able to love. And we all know
how that one goes,
don't we?

Slowly

the dogfish tore open the soft basins of water.

You don't want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
I don't want to tell it, I want to listen

to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.

And anyway it's the same old story - - -
a few people just trying,
one way or another,
to survive.

Mostly, I want to be kind.
And nobody, of course, is kind,
or mean,
for a simple reason.

And nobody gets out of it, having to
swim through the fires to stay in
this world.

And look! look! look! I think those little fish
better wake up and dash themselves away
from the hopeless future that is
bulging toward them.

And probably,
if they don't waste time
looking for an easier world,

they can do it.

~ Mary Oliver (via Finslippy)

afternoon light

2010-03-17T20:53:00.002-05:00

creating joy

2010-03-09T11:39:00.006-05:00

Just listened to an interview with SARK as part of a class I'm taking, and was struck by something she said. In the interview, she mentions that she has devoted her life to joy ... not in a frivolous way (momentary happiness), but as a practice. *blink, blink* She's done what??! Can you imagine putting all your focus into your own joy and living that life? How does one even begin to do that? I find it courageous, inspiring, and also little hard to comprehend.

I'm suddenly reminded that I make many (but not all) decisions confined by the following parameters:

1. Doing the responsible thing. (which occasionally coincides with what I actually want)
2. Taking care of others and making sure their needs are met before mine. (ditto: above)
3. Playing it safe, balanced. (risk increases the potential for disappointment ... but what about the potential for elation?!)

Not to say that these things are bad; being reckless isn't all its cracked up to be, either. So, what is concerning? My making decisions based solely on any of the three points above means that (a lot of the time) the intention and focus is not on me and my wants when I make them - that some of my joy is only a lucky happenstance. It also means that after years of not focusing on me, I am left unsure about what it is that I actually do want!

Going to have to give this a bit of thought and attention, I dare say.

i think she likes the cottage

2010-02-16T16:54:00.000-05:00

my new girly crush

2010-01-27T12:57:00.002-05:00

Absolutely blown away by Selah Sue's vocals. Wowza! 19 years old? A bright & soulful future ahead, for sure ... What the DJ says at the end of this video??? Ya, I think that about covers it.

Somebody book this woman in North America - STAT - I'm looking at you, Ottawa Blues Fest!

still bill

2010-01-26T09:20:00.002-05:00

“My real life was when I was just a working guy. It’s okay to head out for ‘wonderful’, but on your way to ‘wonderful’ you’re gonna to have to pass through ‘alright’… And when you get to ‘alright’, take a good look around and get used to it ‘cause that may be as far as your going to go”.

http://stillbillthemovie.com/

boys ...

2010-01-25T11:04:00.004-05:00

... will be boys!

cuba - leg 4

2010-01-07T13:26:00.003-05:00

Here's the last of them ... phew! From Trinidad we traveled through Cienfuegos, Ranchuelo and Cartagena before hopping back on the Auto Piste towards Havana. Skirting Havana, we entered the Pinar del Rio province and explored Las Terrazas, Vinales and Cayo Levisa.

The shift from sugarcane to tobacco is swift, and the terrain and people change too. Pinar del Rio - what we saw of it, anyway - is a welcome break from other places in Cuba where (understandably) tourists are walking dollar signs. In this part of Cuba, everyone is suuuuper chill. Great way to end our trip.

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

Ottawa folks - You're not off the hook yet! These are a mere fraction of the whole slide show, lucky ducks! Get ready for a numb bum soon enough.

Cuba - Leg 3 (only one more to go!)

2010-01-06T11:27:00.000-05:00

Below is a snippet of Trinidad, and a bit of the drive from Cayo-Coco, back through Moron and Ciego de Avila, then on to Jatibonico and Sancti Spiritus before arriving in T-town. It was a beautiful drive through fields and sleepy towns and lovely winding roads that gave way to our first view of mountains.

Trinidad is a beautiful place, and the light on colours of the buildings at about 5:00 pm will knock your socks off when you're there in person. Great music here, too!

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

Cuba - 2nd Leg

2010-01-05T14:04:00.001-05:00

A few more photos. This time covering the drive from Havana through Ciego de Avila and Moron to get to Cayo-Coco (9 hours) where we indulged in the typical Cuba that most enjoy: A few days in a resort on one of the nicest beaches I have ever seen.

It was a fantastic way to spend the 3 days over Christmas, and a much needed dose of relaxion and vitamin d. I pretty much lay about, alternating between walking, swimming, diving, sleeping, and shell-hunting. Perfection.

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

Back home, standing still

2010-01-04T17:11:00.014-05:00

We're home!

Cuba is spectacular and we feel pretty fortunate to have experienced a variety of landscapes and towns as we drove around the Western half of the island, mostly living with families along the way. My head is swimming with an immense amount of observations and stories ... Big ones like the incredible diversity and beauty found in Cuba and Cubans, and smaller ones like noticing how a woman clasps the thumb (not the hand) of her dancing partner while salsa dancing - it's childlike and sweet, in complete contrast to the sexy moves happening a little lower down.

I have 100's of photos to edit, and pages of my notes and chicken scratch to read over before I can tell a coherent story, but know that Cuba is one fantastic place that you should get out and see soon. We traveled by car from Havana to Cayo-Coco, Trinidad, Las Terrazas, Vinales, and Cayo Levisa. I have managed to get a few shots from Havana together to start, have a look below. Many, many more on the way soon!

Get the flash player here: http://www.adobe.com/flashplayer

It's wonderful and weird to be home. Weird because I am truly staring at a blank slate for the first time in years. Nothing planned, no commitments, no pushing, just me. Truthfully, I have not been looking forward to this week and I couldn't put my finger on what I was so worried about. Then I read something this morning that actually captured it perfectly:

"I came to understand something about myself: When I was always on the move, I didn't have to think too hard about my life. When standing still , I had to stare reality right in the face. No bullshit, no avoiding".

I am an A++ avoider. Filling my headspace and time takes the spotlight off of the things that really need tending. Idol hands are the Devil's workshop, didnt you know? It's all terrifying, but my avoidance will have to stop at some point soon, I suppose. ... Deep breath.

feliz navidad

2009-12-20T17:34:00.011-05:00

It's minus 10 C or so today, a little warmer then it's been over the last several days. Believe me, I don't need to be reminded that tomorrow is the solstice to know that Winter has arrived. If there's any doubt, a jog to the car - to PLUG IT IN(?!) - will set me straight. (No, I have never had the pleasure plugging in my vehicle to ensure it will start easily in frigid weather, before now. Add that to the list of things living here has taught me!)

It's very pretty though. And truth be told, I love the Winter - it's so darn festive! Bits of snow clinging to the branches of the Birch in my front yard, lights of the neighborhood twinkling over white lawns ... perfect for Christmas. I think I have been really enjoying it thus far knowing that this Winter I'll have some time to devote to outdoor activities and that I get to escape the terrible drives to work on particularly messy days. Oh, and maaaaybe one other thing is helping: 2 weeks in Cuba, starting Tuesday! Yahooooo!

This Christmas we are bucking the trend and trading toques for flip flops, scarves for sunscreen, and eggnog for mojitos. Talk about liberating! We'll be spending a couple of days in Havana before heading to Cayo-Coco for 3 nights over Christmas. The remaining week we'll spend wandering and exploring, driving the West 2/3 of the island or flying to a few spots ... its all up in the air for now, nothing's booked and plans are pending. What fun!

I'm hoping that this holiday will be re-energizing and grounding. I have a funny feeling that the year ahead will be an interesting, challenging and ultimately fulfilling one; a little sun, adventure, music, culture and water (after a year I finally get my dive into the ocean!) will be my foundation for 2010. I couldnt ask for a better start.

I hope that wherever you are, you spend your holiday joyously in the company of people you love, and that it's full of laughter, lightness and peace. Merry Christmas.

about last night

2009-12-18T12:01:00.001-05:00

Annual Christmas gig for the boys:

confessions

2009-12-09T20:20:00.024-05:00

I'm a lot better before you really know me.

I was enjoying my Sunday morning ritual, sipping a coffee and reading Post Secret, when - in between the tender, sweet, and funny confessions included in Post Secret's recent video: Confessions on Life, Death and God - she made the admission:

I'm a lot better before you really know me.

She said it matter-of- factly, and then smiled an apologetic smile before her eyes fell toward the ground. She looks like a nice woman; pretty, funky and strong. Happy, though suffering underneath her veneer. I watched her part a dozen or so times, rewinding and playing, trying to see it in her eyes. I was studying her, looking for the clues that maybe others had missed. How do we keep such huge fears from the world, how do close friends not see it? What happens when they do?

I noticed how she starts to think of her confession first, looking up towards the sky. Decision made, she faces the camera and declares her secret directly, a challenge. Immediately after, she smiles, looks uncomfortable and embarrassed, then alternates between strength (looking at the camera) and defeat (the ground).

I saw my own pattern in hers very quickly. Thinking and deciding, then direct and strong, and then the ground... wondering where to look when saying something revealing about myself, wondering if I am saying the right thing, and whether my trust has been safely placed. Fighting the desire of flight, and hoping for acceptance and understanding.

That got me thinking about what else she and I may have in common.

I'm a lot better before you really know me.

How many people live with this thought? How many create an intriguing shell for others to see, secretly terrified that as people get to know the real person inside, they will be let down? I'm guessing its a pretty common occurrence, that people's desire to be loved, respected, and thought of as 'worthy' creates a whole slew of desperate habits. Us humans are undeniably flawed.

ditto: the smells of water on pavement and pine

2009-12-08T15:44:00.006-05:00

I'm eating a nice crisp salad with fresh, homemade falafel on top ... hotsauce and Baba Ghanouj on the side.

Yum. I haven't had this in years and it may be the most satifying thing I have eaten in months. It's remarkable what smells and tastes can spark in my imagination ... Right now, the flavour of falafel is shooting me back across the country, to my cozy house on W.10th Avenue in Vancouver. Something about this mix of spices is really, really reminding me of home; maybe its because falafel tastes exactly like the inside of Capers on W. 4th Avenue smells?

I don't know for sure what IT is, exactly. It feels super comfortable, though; even if it's a longing comfort, one that makes me miss the rain (and the sound of the drops on the cedar deck outside our bedroom's patio doors).

west 10th house

Elsewhere

2009-12-03T18:12:00.008-05:00

As a new 'lady of leisure' (aka - unemployed!) I have been taking advantage of the beautiful weather, warming up my camera before our trip to Cuba. I am pretty certain that I'll take so many pictures in Havana alone that a steady stream of smoke will billow from my camera.

I've been wandering around Ottawa, Montreal and Toronto over the past few weeks (okay, month). Here's a few random photos - click 'em to make 'em bigger - there's a few more on my flickr page too.

balanced - ottawa

bench - ottawa

collective - toronto

contrasts - ottawa

vespa - montreal

let it snow

2009-12-01T10:19:00.005-05:00

There's a dusting of snow, finally. The first hint of things-to-come arrived yesterday, and as much as Winter in these parts can drag on for an inordinate amount of time, I think I actually heard Ottawa residents sigh a collective sigh of relief at the sight of crisp white-ness.

People in these parts anticipate each season with vigor, Winter included. Such prevision may normally be reserved for kids, but I admit that all hatred of snow (and smug knowledge that you dont have to shovel rain, and rain = snow in the mountains) I learned from living in the West has been swept aside for the excitement of waiting for the snow to fly. Certain things go together so well, and Snow is the catalyst to getting it all started: Snow => Christmas decorations => twinkling lights => hot drinks => toques & scarves => snowboarding/snowshoeing/skiing => cozy fires => red cheeks, and so on. What's not to love?

Yes, yes ... We'll talk again in February when my Western friends are enjoying short sleeves and blooming crocuses, but for now, the white stuff is where its at.

Yesterday, in the midst of appreciating the teeny bit of snow on the ground, I was inspired for all things Christmasy. Decorations began making their way out of boxes, scarves and hats and mitts are at the ready, and the carols being played everywhere were no longer annoying (and even hum-along worthy). A drive in the hood took me by my favorite Ottawa quirky-house. These guys decorate all year long, and go the extra mile for the holidays - ALL holidays. If this doesn't put you in the spirit, nothing will:

The perfect cap to our first snowy day in Ottawa? The Grinch! J and I have a tradition (continued from a tradition my brother and I shared as kids). Certain old-school Christmas cartoons MUST be watched and enjoyed each year. The Grinch (oh, Max, I love you!) is our hands-down favorite. Just so happens that on our first snowy day, with fresh decorations adorning the walls, and a happy, expectant Winter attitude, that the Grinch was on TV last night! Perfect. A little Winter magic.

Fun Theory

2009-10-08T18:56:00.001-05:00

labour of love

2009-08-31T11:18:00.003-05:00

I am so, so happy that a wonderful friend has taken another big step towards achieving some lofty goals... This past weekend Susan Rybar Photography launched and I couldn't be more thrilled! Susan's photos are rich and vibrant, brilliantly capturing emotion and beauty found in the 'every day' moments of life.

Susan has been methodically planning and working towards this goal for some time, balancing her passions, career, and family to make room for this nourishment of her soul. I wish her amazing success, of course, but more then that, I am inspired (again) by her energy and unrelenting drive in making her dreams real. I am so lucky to call this shining star a friend. Congratulations, Susan!

dont forget to dance

2009-08-06T19:33:00.002-05:00

Thanks for the reminder, Crea

quote of the day

2009-08-06T07:32:00.001-05:00

With absolutely nothing but coincidence to a weekend punctuated by 'Narnia-isms,' I stumbled upon this poetic quote. It's my new favorite:

'Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning.'
- C.S. Lewis

Ohhhhh, Narnia!

life list - first edition

2009-07-22T07:19:00.014-05:00

A while back, Maggie over at mightygirl posted her list of "100 things to do before I go" and since then, that list has morphed and is now known as the 'Mighty Life List' - a list that has garnered so much attention that Intel is sponsoring it and helping her achieve some of those items!

Sponsorship aside, I really like the idea of keeping tabs on priorities large and small, especially the to-do's that can help make an otherwise ordinary life sparkle a little bit more. Plus, I love lists: writing, editing, and crossing off the done bits ... L-O-V-E. So over the past few months, I have begun working on my own 'life list' - a list, in no order of significance, of attainable & challenging goals left for me to complete in my lifetime.

I know that this list will grow and change dramatically as time goes on, and I want to get it out there now so I have a place to easily reference and keep tabs on myself. Let's face it, there are 100's upon 100's of things we'd all like to do! These are a few of the ones that are standing out for me right now:

Complete El Camino del Rey
Perform regular random acts of kindness
Learn to dance Latin-style ... Salsa? Tango?
Have a home or cottage completely off the grid
Go back to school
Complete a trip that would be considered an expedition
Volunteer in a 3rd world country
Learn to play the violin
Deliver a speech to a large group of people
Skydive
Learn to operate a motorcycle
See the wonders of the world: Great Wall of China, Petra, Christ the Redeemer, Machu Picchu, Chichen Itza, Roman Coliseum, Taj Mahal, Great Pyramid
Remove money as a worry or barrier
Spend a week in an ashram
Take a culinary program, or have a chef teach me how to cook a signature meal
Observe a gathering of local people sing a traditional song somewhere in Africa
Go to burning man
Stay in one of those over-the-water-huts in Tahiti
Be completely passionate about and love my work
Make having fun a priority
Set foot in all 7 continents
Take control of my health - take better care of myself
Ride in a fighter jet
Write a book
Regularly volunteer in my community
Take a painting class
Bungee jump
See a whale shark, manta ray, and a coral reef while scuba diving
Build and then spend a night in an igloo
Complete an outward bound program
Travel solo for 1 month+
Soak in the Blue Lagoon in Iceland
Have a bite of Fugu (puffer fish)
See an opera in Italy
Make a meaningful, positive difference in someones life
Sell a piece of my artwork
Learn to trust that good friends will stick around, and test that theory more often
Say 'yes' more

exultation and learning

2009-07-15T21:18:00.013-05:00

Seems whether you fancy yourself a 'serious' writer or one content with dabbling, the basic drive and desires that lead to blogging are something we have in common. I am pretty sheepish when asked about my blog - usually feeling something between embarrassed, silly and narcissistic. The post below offers a nice perspective to the often asked question of 'why blog?' (via penmachine and wordyard):

Why people blog — and why journalists keep missing the point

There is a shortsighted misunderstanding of the motivation of most bloggers that I keep encountering as I’m out there talking aboutSay Everything. The people asking me questions are naturally, for the most part, journalists; and as I write in the book, journalists as a class have a particularly hard time understanding why most people blog.

This jumped out at me as I read this passage in today’s Wall Street Journal review of Chris Anderson’s “Free,” which was written by Jeremy Philips, who is executive vice president of Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp., which owns the Journal along with vast tracts of the media landscape:

If you have a blog, “no matter how popular,” the revenue from AdSense — a Google service that places ads on Web sites — will probably never “pay you even minimum wage for the time you spend writing it.” Of course, that’s fine for bloggers more interested in fame or influence than in money or for blogs (like Mr. Anderson’s own) that are loss leaders for more lucrative endeavors, such as writing books or making speeches. But if you have to earn a living from the Web, “free” can be a problem.

Note the alternatives Philips offers: You might blog for money. You might blog for fame or influence or as a “loss leader” for your real business. But nowhere in his world is there room for the actual motivation that drives most bloggers: a desire to express themselves, to think out loud, to exult in the possibilities of writing in public — and learn from the pitfalls, too. Maybe there’s a payoff in enhancing your reputation, but there can also be a payoff in simply enhancing your experience at communicating your thoughts and ideas. Speaking to a big crowd is alluring but speaking even to a small group of friends is rewarding, too. For the great majority of participants, blogging is a social activity, not an aspiration to mass-media stardom.

It is very hard for journalists to understand this because the opportunity to express themselves in public has always been a part of their professional birthright. So they won’t notice that motivation even when it’s staring them in the face. When you point this out, you are almost always greeted with a sort of cynical sniff: You can’t be serious. But I am!

-Scott Rosenberg (http://www.wordyard.com/)

to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yeild

2009-07-14T07:37:00.004-05:00

It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Matched with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.

I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone; on shore, and when
Through scudding drifts the rainy Hyades
Vext the dim sea: I am become a name;
For always roaming with a hungry heart
Much have I seen and known; cities of men
And manners, climates, councils, governments,
Myself not least, but honoured of them all;
And drunk delight of battle with my peers;
Far on the ringing plains of windy Troy.
I am part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch where through
Gleams that untravelled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breath were life. Life piled on life
Were all to little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this gray spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

This is my son, mine own Telemachus,
To whom I leave the scepter and the isle
Well-loved of me, discerning to fulfill
This labour, by slow prudence to make mild
A rugged people, and through soft degrees
Subdue them to the useful and the good.
Most blameless is he, centered in the sphere
Of common duties, decent not to fail
In offices of tenderness, and pay
Meet adoration to my household gods,
When I am gone. He works his work, I mine.

There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:
There gloom the dark broad seas. My mariners,
Souls that have toiled, and wrought, and thought with me
That ever with a frolic welcome took
The thunder and the sunshine, and opposed
Free hearts, free foreheads you and I are old;
Old age had yet his honour and his toil;
Death closes all: but something ere the end,
Some work of noble note, may yet be done,
Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.
The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Though much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in the old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are,

One equal-temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Ulysses -Alfred Lord Tennyson

treading water? yes ... but at least it's white water.

2009-07-06T07:31:00.005-05:00

Shaking things up, for better or worse. The week(s) ahead look interesting...

Bluesfest. Yesssss! Such a great event, I can hardly contain myself .... Two weeks of solid - SOLID - entertainment ... Sunsets and warm (cross fingers) nights by the river with beer in hand, great music and good friends.

Skydiving. THIS Saturday. Holy crap, why am I doing this again? Oh yes - to knock one off the 'life list' and ride the resulting wave of adrenalin for a few hours afterwards. I am terrified, though. Hey Rosetta!, Matisyahu and Femi Kuti all play Bluesfest that same night ... what a day that is going to be! Presuming I survive, of course.

8 solid hours in a pool on Sunday refreshing my SCUBA skills. That will teach me to let time go by without staying on top of things! oops.

Two days of real diving booked for the following weekend.

Have 2 people (and another 2 maybe's) willing to bungee with me this summer ... planning a group dive before the end of September ...

As of today, Winter getaway in Cuba is BOOKED! 10 days of no resorts ... beach time ... dive time ... 3 solid days of taking photos in Havana ... Exploring inland hills ... and MUSIC. Everywhere, music. I can't wait!!!!

More time to fill and experiences to have ... working on it!

jumping in

2009-07-01T20:18:00.001-05:00

hot summer nights

2009-06-25T07:18:00.004-05:00

This has been my view for the last ~~two~~ three nights:

From that steady trickle of sweat down my spine as I make my way north, to the moment I dive into the lake and stretch my limbs in the water ... laying in the sun drying afterwards, and finally, driving home with windows down, hair everywhere and Bill Withers 'Use Me' blasting ... Peace.

weekend on the water

2009-06-22T07:12:00.007-05:00

*whew* another year done! A fantastic festival, and a good time had by all. Johnny, board, staff, and vols all did an amazing job ... aaaand I am absolutely knackered ... so here's a few random pictures, I'll share some stories soon:

100 m sprint

Happy sprint winners

Cast of dragon boating characters, taking in some great music

African Guitar Summit

Ashley MacIsaac fiddling with his band (amazing show) .. and a Storm Trooper. This is one of the stories to come later, for sure. As an aside, can I tell you how creepy it is to see Storm Troopers wandering about? Very creepy! Not as weird as seeing Darth Vader, though.

the post in which I can't stop talking about oysters

2009-06-11T07:27:00.009-05:00

We went out for oysters the other night.

Now, I have never been a big fan of eating the slimy delights, and in fact, it had been years since I had (raw) oysters. Not to say I have anything against them, either. It's just that I find them bland and never really understood the whole hoopla surrounding them. With that in mind, I have spent years politely declining, happy that they not be wasted on my disinterested palate, allowing my mollusk-loving friends the opportunity to gobble down a few extra.

Since tastes seem to change with age (I still remember hating sushi and cilantro), I figured I would give them another chance while we were out. Lemon, fresh horseradish and a selection of sauces arrived and I mixed up my own concoctions before eating a couple. They were fine, I guess, but the whole process left me with more observations then thrilled taste buds.

** Tangent** I know that I am apt to spend much too much effort thinking about these things, but as I lay in bed yesterday recovering from a baaaaad night of a not-so-pleasant illness (I'm not saying the little buggers made me sick, but the timing of my 'flu' was certainly suspect), well, I had time to kill. ** End of Tangent**

So this is what I came up with: The popularity of oysters, and peoples affection for eating them raw, is manufactured by Western culture.

The actual flavour and texture of a raw oyster just can't be something worth all the accolades! Lets face it, for the average joe, slurping back an oyster is akin to slobbering back any gelatinous mass soaked in sea water - salty goo. Its not bad, per say - I actually didn't mind eating them - but on their own, certainly not worthy of praise. It's the condiments, really, that are the key. Condiments are what make oysters taste interesting, individual and distinctive. The same could be said for lots of food, I know: escargot (all about the garlic) and calamari (chewy stuff, but deep fried and served with dip), come to mind.

But oysters have something calamari and escargot don't. What oysters have is ritual. The popularity and enjoyment of eating raw oysters is not about the oysters alone, but around the ritual of eating them. It's quite a process, with defined steps and implied affluence. Most importantly, and more often then not, it is also a shared experience with friends. This ritual actually makes eating oysters pretty cool, regardless of flavour and texture. And as for those other side-benefits of oysters? Well, you'd have to ask, but I am pretty sure I wasn't looking so sexy at 3:00 am.

Crazy rants from an exhausted and dehydrated woman regretting her choice to eat oysters? Maybe. But interesting, no?

That got me to thinking, what other western foods are mostly coveted because of ritual?

...caviar
...fondue

quick stop at the cottage

2009-06-07T20:19:00.008-05:00

The weather was looking great, so j hopped on his bike Saturday afternoon to head to the cottage, and minna and I followed a little later in the car.

It's a perfect super-short-trip ... From minna indulging me in my poor rendition of Bob Marley on the drive, to Simpson's cartoon clouds, ducks taking in the sunset from our dock, and the usual enjoyment of food and relaxation. Where else does 12 hours away leave you feeling like you've had a week?

fake plastic trees

2009-06-04T20:20:00.002-05:00

unexpected art

2009-06-02T07:48:00.001-05:00

From AD Lounge - a very cool idea:

"Creativity isn’t something only reserved for the creative department. What about letting those who actually run the businesses have a go at it too? Art From the Unexpected is about challenging 20 of our industry’s leaders, who don’t typically get to be visually creative in their day-to-day, to create an original art piece. That’s not all. They will join us in presenting their one-of-a-kind creation to you. What motivates these leaders to be creative? "

http://www.artfromtheunexpected.com/

a good lesson

2009-05-26T07:50:00.000-05:00

“Anybody can have ideas--the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph.” --Mark Twain

140 is such an attainable number

2009-05-20T07:10:00.000-05:00

Oh, I'm still here ... don't you worry your pretty heads! The problem with going away is that you come back and then have to make up for the time you enjoyed away. Holidays aren't necessarily worth the relaxation.

Okay, it's true, too, that I don't seem to have much to say right now. Maybe it's just that I am now content with thinking in no more then 140 character tidbits? Possibly. I wonder if anyone has studied the effects of Twitter and Facebook status updates on those who had otherwise spent time writing (more then one sentence at a time)?

All that to say - I'm around ... and surely, something will come to mind soon. In the mean time, my Twitter updates are over there on the left hand side.

going home

2009-05-01T12:22:00.016-05:00

You may not be able to go home again, but you certainly can visit. Vancouver is always an interesting trip for me - it's only natural that it evokes a ton of memories, and a large variety of "hmmmm. I wonder what life would have been like..." thoughts. Although, now that I have been gone for so long, I have a somewhat removed/touristic view of the city and surroundings.

It's always good to be home, to see family and friends and familiar places. Vancouver is like an old sweater that fits me perfectly, even if my style has changed a bit and I'm not sure whether I suit it or not anymore. It's warm and comfy, though, so I like to wear it... and who knows when my taste may change!?

It's been many years since I have been here in great weather, and this last week has been amazing. If there is one thing that's unbeatable, and that tugs on my heart strings, it's Vancouver (and surrounding areas) in the sunshine. There is no place on earth that I have been that is more stunning. I am constantly blown away by how insanely beautiful it is here ... incredible. From mountains and water to amazing vistas, islands, and funky architecture, and the green-green-greenness EVERYWHERE. My camera is clicking at record speed.

The next few days will be spend surrounded by a group of great friends on an island (Galiano) while we celebrate a wedding. I am excited to see everyone, absolutely thrilled at the opportunity to spend a dedicated piece of time exploring the island and soaking up every ounce of my surroundings.

Here's a few pictures from the trip so far - there are some others posted on my Flickr page, and I will add a ton more once I have had a chance to wade through 'em all:

andee_lee on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

2009-04-27T07:06:00.000-05:00

Melody just posted some cute photos from our trip to montreal:

me & robin

urban sketchers

2009-04-23T07:39:00.001-05:00

Urban Sketchers is a very cool site that hosts a network of artists around the world who draw the cities where they live and travel to. Unique way to see other places, from the eyes of artists.

There is a list of participating artists on the left, and as far as I can tell, only 2 of the contributors are from Canada!? C'mon!

getting to know canada

2009-04-17T07:39:00.000-05:00

Celebrate Canada 2010 is a 365 day portrait of Canada. A husband and wife writer/photographer team on a year-long excursion across the country have created this blog as a way to introduce Canadian places and people along the way. Each day, a new city or town is higlighted - the photos are intimate and beautiful - a modern take on photos we have hisotrically been shown to mark our country.

Have a look here.

montreal

2009-04-16T08:07:00.010-05:00

It's funny how being in a big city gives me energy, and at the same time, allows me to sigh and take a big, deep breath - it's just the same way I feel when I get to the country ... but totally different. Yes, I know I'm confusing. We took a quick trip to Montreal last night to see Ray Lamontagne play and enjoyed a bit of time walking around the streets before the show:

moments before

2009-04-15T07:01:00.002-05:00

There is nothing quite so electric as the energy of a large crowd. So long as that mob is fueled by positive, happy energy, it is an amazing thing to be a part of.

One of my favorite sounds ever has to be that moment of anticipation and expectation shared by a crowd, just before a performer takes the stage ... cheers, whistles and claps bursting in a darkened arena, arm hairs all prickly. I adore how live music moves and affects people, me.

surfing - step by step

2009-04-13T07:46:00.009-05:00

contemplating

finding balance

focus

success

Now, in case you have forgotten, I don't live anywhere near an Ocean. Lets just say that surfing is not exactly what Ottawa is known for - and that's what makes this so unique. Check out the photo below for context, you'll notice that these guys are actually surfing on river rapids:

ottawa river surfer

I had taken my camera down to the rapids to watch the kayakers and get some shots of the colourful jelly-bean kayaks bobbing in the white foam. Initially, I was disappointed that none were out, but having spent oodles of time at beaches watching and attempting to surf myself, I was stunned to see these guys. Amazing. Up river the ice hasn't completely melted, and I only lasted about 1/2 an hour because I was FREEZING - I can't even imagine how cold that water is!

rainy morning poetry

2009-04-06T07:08:00.001-05:00

He is watching the music with his eyes closed.
Hearing the piano like a man moving
through the woods thinking by feeling.
The orchestra up in the trees, the heart below,
step by step. The music hurrying sometimes,
but always returning to quiet, like the man
remembering and hoping. It is a thing in us,
mostly unnoticed. There is somehow a pleasure
in the loss. In the yearning. The pain
going this way and that. Never again.
Never bodied again. Again the never.
Slowly. No undergrowth. Almost leaving.
A humming beauty in the silence.
The having been. Having had. And the man
knowing all of him will come to the end.

-Jack Gilbert

view from above

2009-04-01T07:49:00.001-05:00

Went to the mountains last weekend and enjoyed a snowy hike both days. It was a stunning day (15c and sunny) on Saturday so while basking in the sun at the top, I took a bit of video (I forgot to bring my camera and used the flip video camera from work instead - check 'em out, they are very cool).

Here's the view (unedited and shaky) - absolutely worth the sweat and scraped-up legs:

pick up some candles

2009-03-26T07:35:00.003-05:00

have a great weekend - dont forget:

Saturday, March 28, 8:30 pm

See the video here

beauty in destruction

2009-03-24T07:21:00.002-05:00

Many of you have heard me rave about the writing and photos at www.sweet-juniper.com. Every now and then I have posted links to stories that the author, James (Jim) Griffioen has written about his life as a lawyer-turned-full time dad and transplant from an affluent life in San Francisco to a humble suburb of Detroit.

More then anything, its his photos of unreal architecture, abandoned buildings, and abandoned neighborhoods that I am drawn to. What he captures is sad, beautiful, and intensely powerful - the stories behind the empty buildings are equally intriguing. The fact that these buildings and neighborhoods have just been left to disintegrate is hard to contemplate. It's fascinating that nature doesn't take long to claim its space back, too.

I was thrilled that CBC interviewed Jim this morning on Q - You must check out his portfolio, you wont believe that this is ... Detroit:

http://www.jamesgriffioen.net/index.php?/

Posts from Jim's blog that are about Detroit specifically: http://www.sweet-juniper.com/search/label/Detroit